June 9-16: It is beautiful here in Edmonton: that hot, early-summer, big prairie sky. Magpies and blue jays. Mum's homemade bread. Dad's breakfasts. Colleen, my sister from Port Alberni is here to help and her cheerfulness is so welcome. Gord and his daughter, Grace, and her boyfriend, Houston - more breaths of fresh air. Cousin Vern Flaig dropped by on his massive motorcycle, looking good.
My mum commissioned a piece of music for me. She took the poem "Your Laughter" by Pablo Neruda which was read by Carrie at our renewal of vows ceremony, and had P.J. Perry, renowned saxophonist, put it to music with a professional reader. So touching and heartfelt - thanks Mum! So many echoes of our family in this - our love of music, the generous gesture, the originality we all possess. Gifts from our parents that make me weep with love and gratitude. Another example: Gord and I are going to discuss the possibiity of an award in my name to be established at his high school in Stettler, Alberta, where Gord is the Industrial Arts teacher.
I can barely cope with the layers of love we enjoy and the loss we are suffering. But my family is there for me. We hug, we laugh, we eat together, sit outside, talk about our families and Colleen's wonder grandchild, Carys, and next moves on our respective journeys. I have been so fortunate to have this family. We are well-grounded in the stories (now legends) that they shared about their lives, in the hilarious family camping trips, in the exposure to arts and music, in the sacrifices our parents made to ensure that we had what we needed to go forward in our lives, in their support at critical stages well beyond childhood. It all comes down to their values and our freedom to express our own values, which are turning out to be not that different in the long run.
I am not the only one dealing with difficult situations: Colleen struggles with diabetes; and my parents are considering the next logical step, a supported living residence in their neighborhood. A big decision, but one we hope will keep them together and in good health, with less risk of health catastrophe. My parents have a lot to handle, more than they should at this time of their lives. But I am confident that Gordon, Carrie and Colleen can help them through all this. It is hard but necessary, to shed my role, (the bossy oldest sister) but I am sure everyone can cope without me being right all the time.
6 comments:
You're not right all the time, I am! That's one of my daughter, Kirsten's, chief criticisms. She says that whenever she decides to do something differently than I would it never turns out and then she has to admit that "Mom was right" - so annoying! I tell her it's the privilege of the old - We're not smarter, we've simply had more time to figure things out.
I bought some beautiful hydrangeas yesterday to fill a hole in my garden. One will have big pink blossoms and the other white. I'm going to call them "the sisters" - have to find one more blue one.(Sorry Gord!)
We had the most amazing upbringing, when we think about it, and we've all grown up differently, but with strong backbones, big hearts and feet flat on the ground. Yes, you are the bossy big sister but you also led the way and pushed the barriers aside for the rest of us. You set the example and then we followed and branched out. I will always appreciate having you for a sister.
Love, Colleen
A Pablo Neruda poem put to music by P.J. Perry...
Oh Robin - you are SO classy! As this loving gesture from your mom and family shows.
Thinking of you and following your blog with love from Ghana. Lin
Having this post about your visit to Edmonton was the perfect point at which to tell a little story of my own, as you requested, Robin. I am a cousin of Robin's, maybe six months younger (and therefore about six months older than Colleen). Our mothers are sisters.
We all started off in Saskatoon, with the Goodrich's living just around the corner from us. I'm not sure how long you all lived there, but I have photos of us at each other's birthday parties (I’ll scan and email them to you), and we seem to be at least five years old. (There's another photo of me with your favourite doll, Robin, and I understand you weren't too happy about that! But never mind...). I don't recall any trauma when your family moved to Edmonton, but perhaps that's because there seem to be many family visits back and forth over the years, which [almost] leads me to my story...
However, since I've taken us back to our beginnings, I am reminded of an adventure the three of us had (Robin, Colleen, me) one day when we were out playing together. We had made it to a neighbourhood park (Buena Vista park). It is just a few blocks down the road from your old house. I'm not sure if we were supposed to go there on our own, but one day there we were, and we got lost. We couldn't find our way out of the park. I think we must have been about four years old, but I'm not sure. Do either of you remember this?
I remember being told (by who?... Aunt Ada? My mother?) that if we followed along the edge of the park, we would eventually come to a place that looked familiar, and then we'd be okay. So that is what we did. I led us around the edges of the park (which was all border hedges but taller than us, so that we couldn't see over them). Like little ducklings we moved, and eventually we came to the opening at Victoria and 5th Street, which was where we had entered the park and which was the closest point to our homes, and then we knew where we were.
Obviously our lives took very different paths over the years. I say "obviously" because of what I experienced when I was sent to Edmonton, perhaps for a weekend, to your place. I was about 16, and my idea of fun was very different from yours, which is why I was sent to your house, I guess.
While there, I went with you and Colleen to a party at one of your friend's houses. I was excited about it--until I learned that the parents were going to be there, and then I thought, "What fun could that be?" I was all set to have a very boring evening, but I was very wrong.
It was a full house with lots of people around, all treating each other very well and making me feel very welcome. We played games, ate good food, and laughed a lot. I had no idea that good, clean fun could be so great! It was really a life-changing experience for me. I wonder how my life might have gone without this experience.
I just remembered your wonderful bedroom in Edmonton, with the stars and such on the ceiling--the things you stick onto the ceiling that absorb the light of day and then shine at night. I used to lie awake at night and just imagine...
Your family and its sociable nature was so refreshing to me. I always looked forward to a trip to Edmonton because I knew you would have things planned for us all, and that I would be in for some super adventures--of the good, clean fun kind!
That's it for now.
Love,
(Cousin) Nancy
Robin - I was saddened when I read the news in the first blog that you'd run out of medical options. Your grace, courage, joy, sadness and especially your open-ness are inspiring.
The story of your visit with your parents and other family members is quite wonderful. As is Nancy's story of the teenage party those many years ago. You have a rich family life. I trust and hope your next months will continue to be rich as you travel this road.
Lee and I tried calling this afternoon to touch base - I spoke with Franke briefly this afternoon. He told me of his foray into modelling - good for him!
Love to you all...
Brian
The photos taken of your family are beautiful, as are you. Your strength, grace, loyalty and unending love to all is unlimited. I want to share with you the words of Sri HWL Poonja, fondly referred to as Papaji. They remind me of you, dear heart.
"This is your own creation so enjoy It.
Love Everything. Be and radiate Love.
As Love
you are seated in the Heart of all Beings
and they in yours.
Here within the Heart
you can see everything
because everything is projected from here.
The rose is Silent, yet it attracts.
So those in Love have faces shining with Beauty.
If you cannot hold the Love, if you cannot contain it,
then distribute it to all, for it is always Full.
Love all, no matter what, Love all,
it will win all battles.
Love is always Loving you.
Without this Love you cannot breathe,
as without air you cannot live.
Love is Meditation, Meditation is Love.
Heart has no frontiers;
Meditate on This.
You are this Love. You are That.
Simply be Quiet and stay as such.
--my heart is deeply blessed by your unending Presence. Tell Franck to fire up the car, cuz I want a ride about town. Mizzy Ada might want to bake up a fancy cake too! And, Geoff can pull out those very fancy scotch glasses, cuz I'll be coming to town soon!
Love,
Cousin Linda
There is something about this post that is remarkable. I started to comment the day you wrote it, but could not get it right. I had words such as "inspirational" and "uplifting", but I felt like a Baptist Minister!
I suppose the thing that is so moving is your honesty, combined with your emotional steadiness. Who the hell is so emotionally mature at a time like this?! I know Robin that you have your moments, but that you can find a place within yourself to express your thoughts and feeling in the the way you are, is truly extraordinary. Your most poignant words were "It is hard but necessary, to shed my role, (the bossy oldest sister) but I am sure everyone can cope without me being right all the time."
With this, I paused and my logic left me. I sat here feeling (not thinking) what it must be like to come to this. Robin, thank you. Again, I am growing as a person because of your generosity of yourself. In time, I will write more about your gifts to me, but for now, this one blows my mind.
Leesa
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